NO ONE LAST TIMES
but this one last post is an exception. I wish there were more exceptions, but heh. high high very high hopes.
I'm tired.
I'm tired of sitting still and worrying because at this moment, like RIGHT now? i don't have a hope for a future and everything i've ever taken for granted, some things i just decided would happen, they all seem nonexistent, and impossibilities in a world that's beginning to spiral more and more out of my control, and which is starting to seem exactly like books that are written to describe sorrow and longing, that always ALWAYS end with some sort of pitiable form of supposed satisfaction because really, it's EASY to erase a life of pain and staring through warm windows in rags, with something as sublime as a smile, or peace in death.
right?
i cannot do this. i cannot listen to someone complain about getting a really good college IN bangalore, with a course that they want, because of some ill-conceived idea that they have to move to hostel. SHE LIVES HERE WHY WOULD SHE GO TO HOSTEL. and THAT is why her life is ruined?
it really is the least of my problems. i cant be nice. i dont want to try. i want to stay home. and i want to be back in school back to knowing what would happen the next day the next year atleast WHERE i would go the next day the next year.
and you know what the worst part is?
i wish i didn't know anyone i did.
i'm not who they think i am i will not live up to expectations i'm on a one-way trip no backtracks no U-turns no side lanes no nothing on a path to absolutely nowhere. so here's to me.
I'm tired of sitting still and worrying because at this moment, like RIGHT now? i don't have a hope for a future and everything i've ever taken for granted, some things i just decided would happen, they all seem nonexistent, and impossibilities in a world that's beginning to spiral more and more out of my control, and which is starting to seem exactly like books that are written to describe sorrow and longing, that always ALWAYS end with some sort of pitiable form of supposed satisfaction because really, it's EASY to erase a life of pain and staring through warm windows in rags, with something as sublime as a smile, or peace in death.
right?
i cannot do this. i cannot listen to someone complain about getting a really good college IN bangalore, with a course that they want, because of some ill-conceived idea that they have to move to hostel. SHE LIVES HERE WHY WOULD SHE GO TO HOSTEL. and THAT is why her life is ruined?
it really is the least of my problems. i cant be nice. i dont want to try. i want to stay home. and i want to be back in school back to knowing what would happen the next day the next year atleast WHERE i would go the next day the next year.
and you know what the worst part is?
i wish i didn't know anyone i did.
i'm not who they think i am i will not live up to expectations i'm on a one-way trip no backtracks no U-turns no side lanes no nothing on a path to absolutely nowhere. so here's to me.
ok. i just realized that the only thing i'd be comfortable doing in college is english and that its the most impossible thing in my life right now. so, kudos to you ship. you rock your world. wreck, more like.
GET A PRO ACCOUNT?
SUDDENLY, I LAND INTO THIS BLOG AND FIND THE BACKGROUND PICTURE GONE! and in its place there's tiles of annoying blue .. thing saying PHOTOBUCKET ACCOUNT EXPIRED! RENEW TO A PRO ACCOUNT oh gimme a break what is going ON here?
so that explains the change in the blog layout. am gonna make sure i get a hot, kitsch one as soon as i can cool my head down about this, yo.
so that explains the change in the blog layout. am gonna make sure i get a hot, kitsch one as soon as i can cool my head down about this, yo.
Dear Shravanthi
happy birthday. ok?
and i wish you had ONE functional number where i could reach you.
and i wish you had ONE functional number where i could reach you.
Call this the land of the StupidPeople and crown me queen.
I am reeling under too many things.
I'm more upset than i thought i would be, because a friend of mine is leaving. I didn't think he'd have made a difference.
I'm supposed to go have fun tomorrow, but i no longer feel like it, atleast not with who i'm going, and i cannot explain why.
I've discovered that i'm the BIGGEST moron on the planet. everybody but me has a plan, a head, and a rank for show. I on the other hand, have no dream, no plan, no rank, certainly no bright and happy future.
I had a veryvery wierd day yesterday. I went to this birthday party, and guess who i should see. I, however, did NOT nearly die, like i should have. I had a pretty good time, and got snowsprayed and sprayed back in return. [Have i mentioned? My life is a movie.] It seemed like the two years in my head never happened. :) And while that's not making me ecstatic, it seems like the perfect thing that could've happened.
I'm losing my head. very fast. and this feels like a really good time for a vacation, because clearly i'm overthinking, but then again, not like my mental capacity would allow that much.
I'm more upset than i thought i would be, because a friend of mine is leaving. I didn't think he'd have made a difference.
I'm supposed to go have fun tomorrow, but i no longer feel like it, atleast not with who i'm going, and i cannot explain why.
I've discovered that i'm the BIGGEST moron on the planet. everybody but me has a plan, a head, and a rank for show. I on the other hand, have no dream, no plan, no rank, certainly no bright and happy future.
I had a veryvery wierd day yesterday. I went to this birthday party, and guess who i should see. I, however, did NOT nearly die, like i should have. I had a pretty good time, and got snowsprayed and sprayed back in return. [Have i mentioned? My life is a movie.] It seemed like the two years in my head never happened. :) And while that's not making me ecstatic, it seems like the perfect thing that could've happened.
I'm losing my head. very fast. and this feels like a really good time for a vacation, because clearly i'm overthinking, but then again, not like my mental capacity would allow that much.
