today i said lol, and am now sitting in the same room with the person whose influence it might have been, and who i said it to.
so who needs help defining pathetic, again?
Showing posts with label i *cough* HATE this. Show all posts
Showing posts with label i *cough* HATE this. Show all posts
who says i cant get stoned
if im crying about the death of dio or the malfunction in my intestines or because i missed meeting my bitches because of the 7th time my mom wanted to pretend to be homicidal, im always crying about the same.
in which case i would be oblivious of the others and in case im really crying about it which im crying about,and the fact that the others don't hold can not make me stop.
That is exactly what makes me a dysfunctional human being.
in which case i would be oblivious of the others and in case im really crying about it which im crying about,and the fact that the others don't hold can not make me stop.
That is exactly what makes me a dysfunctional human being.
not happy in the remotest. everytime im happy its just the manic phase, bipolarity has been tested and proven.
I'm tired.
I'm tired of sitting still and worrying because at this moment, like RIGHT now? i don't have a hope for a future and everything i've ever taken for granted, some things i just decided would happen, they all seem nonexistent, and impossibilities in a world that's beginning to spiral more and more out of my control, and which is starting to seem exactly like books that are written to describe sorrow and longing, that always ALWAYS end with some sort of pitiable form of supposed satisfaction because really, it's EASY to erase a life of pain and staring through warm windows in rags, with something as sublime as a smile, or peace in death.
right?
i cannot do this. i cannot listen to someone complain about getting a really good college IN bangalore, with a course that they want, because of some ill-conceived idea that they have to move to hostel. SHE LIVES HERE WHY WOULD SHE GO TO HOSTEL. and THAT is why her life is ruined?
it really is the least of my problems. i cant be nice. i dont want to try. i want to stay home. and i want to be back in school back to knowing what would happen the next day the next year atleast WHERE i would go the next day the next year.
and you know what the worst part is?
i wish i didn't know anyone i did.
i'm not who they think i am i will not live up to expectations i'm on a one-way trip no backtracks no U-turns no side lanes no nothing on a path to absolutely nowhere. so here's to me.
I'm tired of sitting still and worrying because at this moment, like RIGHT now? i don't have a hope for a future and everything i've ever taken for granted, some things i just decided would happen, they all seem nonexistent, and impossibilities in a world that's beginning to spiral more and more out of my control, and which is starting to seem exactly like books that are written to describe sorrow and longing, that always ALWAYS end with some sort of pitiable form of supposed satisfaction because really, it's EASY to erase a life of pain and staring through warm windows in rags, with something as sublime as a smile, or peace in death.
right?
i cannot do this. i cannot listen to someone complain about getting a really good college IN bangalore, with a course that they want, because of some ill-conceived idea that they have to move to hostel. SHE LIVES HERE WHY WOULD SHE GO TO HOSTEL. and THAT is why her life is ruined?
it really is the least of my problems. i cant be nice. i dont want to try. i want to stay home. and i want to be back in school back to knowing what would happen the next day the next year atleast WHERE i would go the next day the next year.
and you know what the worst part is?
i wish i didn't know anyone i did.
i'm not who they think i am i will not live up to expectations i'm on a one-way trip no backtracks no U-turns no side lanes no nothing on a path to absolutely nowhere. so here's to me.
Dear Shravanthi
happy birthday. ok?
and i wish you had ONE functional number where i could reach you.
and i wish you had ONE functional number where i could reach you.
is enough.
its been OVER TWO MONTHS that i havnt taken any picture! no photgraphy and its killing me.
today i went a little overboard going gaga over this polaroid kit at etsy and i started asking ma if she has any saved money, if she has had joint deposits with someone dead, if she'd unquestioningly lend me some ten grand. then i DREAMT that i have an amazingly funny, cute, hot and generous boyfriend (i dont know) who just randomly gifts me the kit because he thinks my dark circles are getting worse over staring at the etsy page joblessly.
...
mom thinks i should stfu and study and sell some more prints and buy myself the shit.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAFUCKINGHA.
prints :dies laughing:
today i went a little overboard going gaga over this polaroid kit at etsy and i started asking ma if she has any saved money, if she has had joint deposits with someone dead, if she'd unquestioningly lend me some ten grand. then i DREAMT that i have an amazingly funny, cute, hot and generous boyfriend (i dont know) who just randomly gifts me the kit because he thinks my dark circles are getting worse over staring at the etsy page joblessly.
...
mom thinks i should stfu and study and sell some more prints and buy myself the shit.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAFUCKINGHA.
prints :dies laughing:
oh what i dont understand is, the drawings i really put my heart into? nobody seems to like them. its not like i dont put my heart into everything else, but maybe im not very pleased with the results sometimes and people go OMG SPAZZZHSJGDFJSGHF LOLZ SO AMAZING over them, and nobody (well ok, no more than 2 people maybe) would like what i really would think deserves a rat's ass.
or an elephant's ass, goddamnit.
NO BECAUSE
fal.radcliffe7: v shud torture them with myna ma'am smile
:P
me: they should be cut up alive, or burnt or I DONT CARE OR KNOW I HATE THEM THAT'S ALL
it's not funny, right now, sorry
:|
fal.radcliffe7: relax dudeno point shouting
fal.radcliffe7: relax dudeno point shouting
if v do get a chance v'll shout at them
(dont care if v end up dead man)
me: or rip them limb to limb. :|
fal.radcliffe7: u can do that surely
:Pme: or just, i dunno, glare at them till they die a slow painful death filled with numbing remorse and guilt that'll eat them up faster than the acid we'll soak them in. :|
