Dear whoever is reading this.
don't waste your time. turn back now. you won't get it, i'm not asking you to. i'm feeling lost. and estranged. from what, you ask? no you don't, and i couldn't tell you even if you did, because i have not the least idea.

you, yes you. are angry with me. because i haven't called or written. newsflash. neither have you.
ok?
because i'm trying here. i'm trying not to rip my hair to shreds trying not to kill everyone i know because i really DO like all of them but you KNOW what? that's precisely WHY i need to leave here need to go somewhere i REALLY dont know anyone so i can hate it there in earnest and not feel guilty not feel awful not be jealous not be needy not be. anything.

do you want to know what i've been doing for whatseems like an eternity now? flashbacking in my head.
i miss when i was little, because when i was little my head wasn't a swirling mass of nothingness and confusion about nothing in particular because what WOULDbe fun? is it being a swirling mass of nothingness and confusion when i know what the hell is bothering me

i miss the little lulu show. i miss cartoon network in english. without the irritating chinese cartoons. i miss the original pogo. i miss the real nickelodeon. i miss chennai. but that can't be. i hate chennai.
whatamisaying i miss it like crazy. i hate it because i've changed and can't recognise myself anymore. i miss being silly and doing stupid things. i miss being smart. i miss FEELING smart.

i miss kolkata. i miss the rain. i miss the school. i miss what we did, sitting in those last benches. i miss the chatter. i miss the lunches.
i miss being online in the middle of the night, and still having company.
i miss it.

i miss bangalore. i miss the last two years. i miss bangalore. how is thateven POSSIBLE i live here. and i miss it all more because i'm standing still. m stuck. i dont know
i can't explainwhy. i don't know what i'm asking, or what i'm trying to say

i told you this was a waste of time.