So when i lose (something), i go and get myself a new camera, for it can perhaps get me a new kind of art to sell as a deceit.

wooFuckinghoo

how cool am i.

"Even though it all went wrong, I'll stand before the Lord of Song with nothing on my tongue but Hallelujah."

- Leonard Cohen

i havnt cried enough for you, my joker and thief.

there is an ache and then i fall asleep only to wake up with a start at around 3 in the morning wondering if i'll find myself being looked at as a video game or a void, an escape or as non existent.this is really painful.

stop this, hold this like its a naked heartbeat and bury it somewhere down the street i dont need this to be the chorus to the dirge of a soundtrack to the entire goddamned tragic farce that is my life.

or make me see that it can be touched like a tissue or a pebble or a missing block of lego.

quoting from S's blog:

And my heart is a-beating and my soul is air

And my face is a little bit locked in your stare 

 

 

whatever can get more beautiful?

the lives and times of Mr. S.Weevanosa.

sums up the sparse loveliness of it.

i wouldnt be saying this but i am stoned.
axetrip rules.

why i wouldnt be saying it is there's a huge irony in those words.involving a hurt ass.

and the pun in this whole thing makes me chuckle, which actually means im laughing at myself.

somebody on the other end is nicely trying to analyze me, if i am thinking rightly of him. if i aint, he's just a chut.

oh and by the way, i love you, i love you.

when life's a whore..

fuck it in the nostril.


only, this one here is a freaking weirdo with a broken nose so well, it kinda hurts worse trying to do that either.

jesus christ, college is confusing. its damn annoying. its damn fun too. and i wanna go aww and Fuck and HMPH and grrrr and :) at the same things at the SAME time so its rather mindfucking. wtf. but sometimes its all cool becaaaaaause wellllllllll i dont know, at the end of the day im still doing fine and am able to take off my lenses right and shit so :P

ok now, gimme a hug someone. i need.

when love is a puddle you are reduced to

all that happens is rain.

NO ONE LAST TIMES

but this one last post is an exception. I wish there were more exceptions, but heh. high high very high hopes.

although you dont, really

One flight down
There's a song on low
And your mind just picked up on the sound
Now you know you're wrong
Because it drifts like smoke
And it's been there playing all along
Now you know
Now you know

The reeds and brass have been weaving
Leading into a single note

In this place
Where your arms unfold
Here at last you see your ancient face
Now you know
Now you know

The cadence rolls in broken
Plays it over and then goes

One flight down
There's a song on low
And it's been there playing all along
Now you know
Now you know

- Norah Jones.

TONIGHT <3

AFTER AEONS. i love. love. love. life. abheek my childhood friend isnotlost :D i got drunk and cheesily depressed and it was pathetic but i was rescued wonly. AND WHOM BY? this one person i've known for 10 years, the only person ive known AND loved for this long.all is <3

TODAY WE SPOKE OF LOVE AFTER CONSIDERING WAKING UP AT MIDNIGHT AND KILLING MYSELF

the.proud.emunk: uhHUH
you love me?
me: YES
the.proud.emunk: koto ta?
and not just formality sake
shotti kore
me: SOME TWENTY POUNDS.
the.proud.emunk: sigh
me: HOW MUCH IS THAT BTW
the.proud.emunk: iunno
me: SO DONT SIGH LIKE THAT
ITS A RANDOM FIGURE.
the.proud.emunk: thik ache
the.proud.emunk: im in love
absolute LOVE
the type where u would do anything for the person
6:50 PM DID YOU NOT HEAR
me: who with
the.proud.emunk: youknowya
me: no im confused.
the.proud.emunk: sugataaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
or rather
me: yes i knew it
:D
the.proud.emunk: shugoto
yep
6:51 PM masochist, ya?
me: whtvrz
toocoolz
i wanna feel like that
the.proud.emunk: its the shitt!
me: iknow
the.proud.emunk: its like...woah
me: its like youre releasing your poop
after a century of
constipation
the.proud.emunk: no its like
the.proud.emunk: someone's slowly releasing the poop FOR you so that you're comfy
6:52 PM me: YES!
AND YOU WANNA SMOTHER THEM IN SOMETHING OTHER THAN POOP AND SAY THANKYOU, I LOVE YOU, MARRY ME WHEN WE'RE DONE WITH THIS


actually no what you really wanna say is i love you, lets make babies. nobody wants to say marry me. what we really wanna say is lets have a lot of sex and make babies.we can name them weather and cock. and if there more than two we can split up weather and cock and distribute the fragmented names among them like grains among dying african children. but our babies will not be starving dying african children with ribs sticking out of their skins like something hardly poetic, more of pathetic. our babies will be spoilt assholes with flowers sticking out of them.but lets make love and one baby at a time and while we're at it, just stfu and kiss me, OK?
this is the real deal. lets make babies.

I'm trying to, i really am, i'm trying to poison myself against you.
butitworks only as long as you'renotaround.

i wish you would read this. i wish you would read this, and come tell me how low i've placed myself. then i'd figure out how high you stand.
i wish you could read my head. my twisted emotions knotting around me, that'd make you feel important, yes.
Then you could laugh at me, think oh look how pathetic, how sorry, like you would do. or maybe just walk away, oblivious to all you've seen, all you heard, forgetting asfastasyousmileatthenextgirl, that i ever existed.

maybe that would jolt me back to the world, make it so i don't have to explain, have to make them understand.

i don't like you.
you're just a habit.

idon'tlikeyou.
i tend to obsess.

i dont like you.
i just hurt easy.

i. don't. like. you.
but maybe i'm just telling myself that.

this should stop. this should stop. this should fucking stop.this CANNOT keep happening over and over AND OVER AND OVER again, each each fucking time.what am i, some sort of dummy? some sort of proxy harbour or WHAT.i should give up. i keep telling myself i should, and then i think i have given up, until it hits me on the face and im taken by surprise and can just go.. oh? ship wtf is wrong with you? WTF.

the moment i start counting my blessings, its rendered futile. go me. i should buy a gun and put my head in the microwave and shoot myself while my head explodes.

Turns out being invisible was ohsomuch better.
i think.

Give me a glass room.

I cried yesterday because i felt like i was invisible. And i woke up in the middle of the night and remembered yesterday could have been a death anniversary.
yesterday was a 1076 day.

I cried today because my family suddenly decided to hate me.
and i could see when i'm that old, i would be exactly like them.

And today is a 996 day.

I've been crying because i've been angry and helpless and detached. Because i don't feel like me and don't like the things i'm used to.
because i'm just not used to them anymore. they feel like an empty house that used to be filled with people and things and love until they all died.

I have negative days coming up, says astrology. I'm going to have a -469 day and my new year begins with a -218.

I'm not disheartened no. I just need things to break.

BETTER BETTER BETTER!

i just made a pretty little illustration inspired by a song illustration for what you ask? nothing song shay me i wont tell you what song before i post the drawing on my main blog i hate talking on the phone i HATE TALKING OVER THE PHONE and i love beads

OH LISTEN

cellphone switched off before midnight and all the crappy moods and yelling at the wrong people blah blah blah putting it all behind, its alright and shit now becaaaaaause i managed convince the mostlate wisher of the day (hmph) to gibhe me happysmile and she is NOW

*drumroll*

MY BLOG PARDNER!
thats because she needs to write to reinvent herself as a well read mongoose that eats its tail bit by bit every 7th day as oppossed to what i said to convince her.

so say hello to wicked (cough) shravvy and OH NOSE SHE HAS POSTED ALREADY
*runs after her with a broomstick*

NO REALLY IM NOT HAPPY

my apple tastes like garlic my lips feel like they're on fire IN A BAD WAY you suckers and ill no longer be able to make orgasmic noises pretending i dont know what im doing (or ill have to keep a check on myself incase i do it uncosciously for no apparent reason) come tomorrow.
this is me leaving behind bits of me sending them off to play house and hide and seek with the children and to never ever return this is very very tragic give me a norah jones song please