being unproductive

is going to kill me. no no no no dont be them ship. FOCUS. WORK. FUCK THE BOIL ON YOUR BUM. FUCK DISTRACTIONS LIKE BLANKETS.FUCK YOUR FUCKING FATIGUE. work.

dude.

I CANNOT FIND MY FUCKING E-BOOKS I HAD A BIG COLLECTION I WAS JUST ABOUT TO START READING BUT NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I HAVE TO GO LOSE THEM RIGHT WHEN I DECIDE TO STOP PROCRASTINATING FUCK BULL POTTY

dont.

there's already everything else going absolutely WRONG for me in the alien land lala, now you are NOT allowed to kill the only source of solace i have there by.. sdf sjghsghkjhfdgh expecting any more of me.

please, do not make things weird. goddammit i need to tell YOU this. pansy that i am.

story of my freaking life.

for the 943579437th time.

its this weird phoney record stuck on repeat.
and its a dirge. A GODDAMNED DIRGE.

if i were a rockstar and this were my blog (like it still is, anyway) i'd talk about this latest tour i'd been to- oh the exhausion, damn the heat(?), YAY THE EXCITEMENT, and the music was fine really. maybe i smashed my guitar at the end of the concert. i dont know, i was too doped. and then we had a photoshoot with the lovely SOANDSO and then something WHAT HAPPENS TO ROCKSTARS AT THESE TOURS? i have no idea. maybe i ate an octopus. maybe, i put on some pink leggings and fell asleep on the bathroom floor. what am i doing? wishing i were a rockstar who didnt have to give ISCs. why dont i study? why am i SO inacapable of it?i would make a decent rockstar. i would, man i can scream.AND sing.and carry a guitar around. AND play it. i PROMISE i can play.why.
WHY

THANK YOU FACEBOOK!

Where Do I Fit
Here is where you stand relative to your friends,
based on votes we gathered from them.
you category votes wins win%

7th better dancer
votes: 3 3 100%

11th would make a better mother
votes: 2 2 100%

12th cuter
votes: 3 3 100%

13th rather kiss
votes: 3 3 100%
13th more generous
votes: 2 2 100%
13th funnier
votes: 3 3 100%

15th rather be trapped on a desert island with
votes: 3 3 100%

16th more entertaining
votes:3 3 100%

17th nicer
votes: 2 2 100%
17th braver
votes: 4 3 75%

19th more adventurous
votes: 3 3 100%
19th sexier
votes: 2 2 100%

20th better friend
votes: 4 3 75%

22nd would i rather take shopping
votes: 4 2 50%

23rd more useful
votes: 2 2 100%
23rd rather marry
votes: 1 1 100%
23rd more reliable
votes: 3 2 66%
23rd more artistic
votes: 2 2 100%

24th prettier
votes:2 0 0%
24th rather sleep with
votes: 1 1 100%
24th cooler
votes: 2 2 100%

25th a better smile
votes:1 1 100%
25th more likely to succeed
votes:3 2 66%
25th hotter
votes:1 1 100%

26th rather date
votes:4 2 50%

27th rather travel with
votes: 3 2 66%

28th more tech-savvy
votes:1 1 100%

29th kinder
votes: 2 1 50%
29th a better laugh
votes: 1 1 100%

30th more popular
votes: 3 2 66%

31st more creative
votes:3 2 66%
31st rather have dinner with
votes:1 1 100%
31st more well-mannered
votes:2 1 50%

32nd more cuddly
votes:2 1 50%
32nd more powerful
votes:1 1 100%

33rd more naturally talented
votes:1 1 100%

34th am I more jealous of
votes: 2 1 50%

35th rather get stuck in handcuffs with
votes: 2 1 50%
35th more fashionable
votes: 2 1 50%
35th a better sense of humor
votes: 1 1 100%

37th better taste in music
1 1 100%
37th better at science
3 1 33%

38th smarter
2 1 50%

40th a better body
4 1 25%

44th more confident
4 1 25%

45th better hair
1 0 0%
45th better listener
2 0 0%

46th a better profile picture
2 1 50%

49th more famous
1 0 0%

50th rather live with
1 0 0%

51st can drink more
1 0 0%

52nd better public speaker
1 0 0%
52nd happier person
1 0 0%

54th more likely to skip class
1 0 0%

56th more likely to win in a fight
1 0 0%

58th crazier
1 0 0%

nobody loves me syndrome.

shala keu kichu bole na amay. shob jaanoar. crush holeo joto obscure weird cheleder opor hoe,ANYTHING but available, each. emon bhabe bolchi jeno koto hajar ta hoyeche anyway (crush). ki kori? phlunk korchi.pora shona e jeebona hobe na. ki kori?
bari theke palate chai. ki kori ki kori?

god do something about mental blocks.

srishti is looking like a far cry now, unless i somefuckinghow manage to fill up a sketbook worth of portfolio filled with reallt impressive sketches and bahahahha who am i kidding? its not fucking possible within these few months.

uh and im bored. i hate these phases.

lousy fucking luck

HOLY FREAKING HELL.

i find out that

a) the pendrive which had all my graphic stuff- two posters which hadnt been posted anywhere-no backups no nothing,one fucking hoarding and a bookcover+backcover, has been wiped clean by a virus it had picked up from some weirdass studio computer my mom had taken it to.

WHY i ask do they have to use MY pendrive for taking old scanned pictures for printing when it could very easily be done with..SOMEONE ELSE'S PENDRIVE, SOMEONE WHO HAS BRAINS ENOUGH TO KEEP BACKUP?

B) in the BEST SHOT EVER that i thought i had taken, the subject is fucking out of focus.i was in SUCH a hurry i let the camera focus on the WALL behind the subject instead.

im going to kill myself one of these days.

why i've been busy this week:

for i've been working/worrying my ass and my hair [oh well] off for something so excruciatingly unavailing that it makes me want to shed the remainder of the worked off ass, and tear the remaining hair off my thick skulled head.
lessons learnt:
1)give up. sometimes, please give up, back out, and such because some things are REALLY not worth it (unless you count heavy greenroom laughs, ok fine they were the love)
2)never EVER [something i wont say here]
3) oh my god am i gutsy or what
[ oh no 2) and 3) are so not related ]

more when i can recall the rest.