its a broken halleluiah

HALLE-L-U-

so as it turns out

i HAVE to blowdry my hair each time i want to see myself fit into a socially acceptable definition of a girl.what good are boobs, now? this is PRECISELY why i'd trade everything for a dick of my own.

and then be a dog and sing

My God, my God, my God gave me a rod
For fishing, fishing


fishing.

ok, so im cruelly affected by insomnia somehow and its really frustrating because i had a horrible end to a pretty decent day.so im gonna sit here rant. ive been very unproductive of late. people are stealing things from my room and that's scary and depressing. i dont wear jewellery anymore. i think im going a little insane no matter how stable i claim to be whenever the subject is brought up. i want to pet an elephant. i want to sit on it and scream NO, YOU'RE A GUJJU to random people on the street. my ink bottle leaks so much that it breaks my heart. shawty got low.
low


low.

no offence, but you dont make sense.

its neither of the two but its good enough anyway. :)

there is an ache and then i fall asleep only to wake up with a start at around 3 in the morning wondering if i'll find myself being looked at as a video game or a void, an escape or as non existent.this is really painful.

stop this, hold this like its a naked heartbeat and bury it somewhere down the street i dont need this to be the chorus to the dirge of a soundtrack to the entire goddamned tragic farce that is my life.

or make me see that it can be touched like a tissue or a pebble or a missing block of lego.

i hate him.
there, i've said it. and it's a corrosive painful hate that i really shouldn't have. because i don't really, you know.

but i do. so.

i've switched back phones with my sister, so i wouldn't be tempted to ever msg. ever.
i'm tired.