TONIGHT <3

AFTER AEONS. i love. love. love. life. abheek my childhood friend isnotlost :D i got drunk and cheesily depressed and it was pathetic but i was rescued wonly. AND WHOM BY? this one person i've known for 10 years, the only person ive known AND loved for this long.all is <3

story of my freaking life.

for the 943579437th time.

its this weird phoney record stuck on repeat.
and its a dirge. A GODDAMNED DIRGE.

i have very finally officially totally LOST IT.
last night i dreamt of SUMIT (hotness) SHARDA.
my relassunsip/fransip with this guy had been 4 years of utter confusion and weirdity and HILARITY.we were both young andstupid, and the whole story is long winding and exceedingly boring for the thirdperson. so that's all the background i can provide, but three ( no ok, 2.5?) years of no MEMORY of that creature and suddenly, BAM. he features in one of the longest dreams i've ever had (and of which i remember very little now).

what does it do to me?
OH i'll tell you exactly what. with my eco board exam scheduled for tomorrow, and an absolutely untouched ecobook with 24 chapters lying forgotten, i spend the night going crazy over the fact that the landline numbers of siliguri mustve changed. DAMNIT.
AND THE ONLINE DIRECTORY WONT OPEN. I DONT EVEN KNOW IFIT WOULD BE ANY GOOD.
but wow.
should i be pushed off a cliff or WHAT?

EDIT: i was not to be snubbed by cruel technology. i DID manage to get to the online directory, and the number is exactly what it used to be since i'd memorised it, and STILL it wont work.

again, kill me, please.

RE-EDIT: what do they do? do theyeven keep the reciever where its suppossed to be? why do they HAVE a phone and if they dont WHY is it on the DIRECTORY?!

Aarrkcht.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
mathexamand I DONT KNOW ANYTHING AND THEY ARE NOT PLAYING MY SONG i dont have one. Naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhiiiiiiiiiiiiiii. i havent been doing ANYTHING at all not studying not onlining not tvwatching not doing ANYTHING that's even WORSE than wasting time man that i'm GOOD at! this is just aimless and painful now i've been doing it too long noooooooooooooo!!

and i dont know i've lost track letter pending (who the hell is sampink you cannibal person eater you) since last year i think I'M ON DIAL UP orkut out the window phone back in working(woohoo.) friends too busy STUDYING and telling me to study i wantto(ha.) buut i cannot i can not i dont know i do NOT know whaaaaaaaai.
haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaeeeeeeeeeellllllllllllllp me atleast get me to stop holding down keys to make it seem like i really mean what i'm saying i DO ok just the fingerpressingonkey thing is getting old.
but whocaresright.

DO SOMETHING. you who is reading this i dont care who you are(later, maybe)go to east africa learn voodoo and witchcraft and DONTJUSTSITTHERE DO SOMETHING or i will blame YOU you heartless fiend who did NOTHING watching my life flash dimly on your screen warning you you are watching me watch it letting it wander and crumble miserably into an endless abyss of more long boring whiney blog entries.

ahphooey(i like :P)
like i was saying.
aahh.

i am in love and i want to eat him

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AND I SWEAR ON A FEW THINGS I DONT OWN, I SWEAR I TYPED THEM ALL OUT.

LETS TAKE A BATH TOGETHER!
HEY THERE DELILAH! LIGHT MY FIRE!

SAM PINK!

ignore this, infidels.

lets hope HE doesnt chance upon it yet. not yet mens.

if i were a rockstar and this were my blog (like it still is, anyway) i'd talk about this latest tour i'd been to- oh the exhausion, damn the heat(?), YAY THE EXCITEMENT, and the music was fine really. maybe i smashed my guitar at the end of the concert. i dont know, i was too doped. and then we had a photoshoot with the lovely SOANDSO and then something WHAT HAPPENS TO ROCKSTARS AT THESE TOURS? i have no idea. maybe i ate an octopus. maybe, i put on some pink leggings and fell asleep on the bathroom floor. what am i doing? wishing i were a rockstar who didnt have to give ISCs. why dont i study? why am i SO inacapable of it?i would make a decent rockstar. i would, man i can scream.AND sing.and carry a guitar around. AND play it. i PROMISE i can play.why.
WHY

is enough.

its been OVER TWO MONTHS that i havnt taken any picture! no photgraphy and its killing me.

today i went a little overboard going gaga over this polaroid kit at etsy and i started asking ma if she has any saved money, if she has had joint deposits with someone dead, if she'd unquestioningly lend me some ten grand. then i DREAMT that i have an amazingly funny, cute, hot and generous boyfriend (i dont know) who just randomly gifts me the kit because he thinks my dark circles are getting worse over staring at the etsy page joblessly.
...

mom thinks i should stfu and study and sell some more prints and buy myself the shit.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAFUCKINGHA.
prints :dies laughing:

oh what i dont understand is, the drawings i really put my heart into? nobody seems to like them. its not like i dont put my heart into everything else, but maybe im not very pleased with the results sometimes and people go OMG SPAZZZHSJGDFJSGHF LOLZ SO AMAZING over them, and nobody (well ok, no more than 2 people maybe) would like what i really would think deserves a rat's ass.

or an elephant's ass, goddamnit.

there are so many things i would like to do before i die, and one of them is surviving this maths (board) exam. far cry.i cant study. im an asshole. get me a gun and i'll shoot you.

there's also lots of other shit. like publishing a book. HAHA YOU HEARD THAT? A BOOK! wouldnt THAT be something?then i can then piss on it! i can then have one solitary copy sold to my mom's second uncle and he'd argue about why i used the word naked in one of the otherwise perfectly sensible poems. oh my god this is going to be fun.

i also want to tell people im really getting married just to see if they'd believe me. i dreamt the night before last that im suppossed to be getting married off to a vaishnav, shaved head, chandan tilak et al. i posted it on my blog and people slandered me because they thought im a muthafucking cunt who would go lie about getting married because really, i dont have a life.

WTF how would they know?! (about me not having a life, not the fact that i was not getting married really because i was, really)it was very disturbing.it made me very sad and i woke up and mom told me i had an exam to give and i didnt believe her. i went into the hall and they told me i could start writing and i didnt believe them.the question paper -well it was a lie and i dont remember nothing beyond.i decided i wont believe anyone.

i also would like to sell this to some brainless git. HAHA i love asima but no one else can and i just wanna prove myself wrong at that.

another thing i'd really like to do before i die is show people how much i hate a lot of things. the amount of hate, i mean. its incredible. its humongous and it can eat 79 elephants and 912 dinosaurs for breakfast.it will be scary. i'd like to do that, yes.

will you be sticking with me when the money's gone?

the born ruffians were born to be motherfucking sonsovbitches who give me reasons to live and look at a tree or a snail or a fly and not flinch and say good afternoon.

Underneath my thumb
I'm taking you to put you
Underneath my thumb
I'm placing you down neatly
Underneath my thumb
Beneath my thumb, beneath my thumb

& If you get squished
I'll find another you
& If you get squashed
I'll just find another you
It won't be hard to find another one like you
Another you, another you

& I don't give a damn about
When I see you, I don't
& I don't give a damn about
The I-owe-yous, I don't
The disappearing kindness
That I show for you, I know
I won't be sad
When you & me are through

-BADONKA DONKEY

if you havnt heard them yet then go eat some ants and then a hippo. you dont deserve to know them.