I'm trying to, i really am, i'm trying to poison myself against you.
butitworks only as long as you'renotaround.

i wish you would read this. i wish you would read this, and come tell me how low i've placed myself. then i'd figure out how high you stand.
i wish you could read my head. my twisted emotions knotting around me, that'd make you feel important, yes.
Then you could laugh at me, think oh look how pathetic, how sorry, like you would do. or maybe just walk away, oblivious to all you've seen, all you heard, forgetting asfastasyousmileatthenextgirl, that i ever existed.

maybe that would jolt me back to the world, make it so i don't have to explain, have to make them understand.

i don't like you.
you're just a habit.

idon'tlikeyou.
i tend to obsess.

i dont like you.
i just hurt easy.

i. don't. like. you.
but maybe i'm just telling myself that.

Man, im sorta fucking sad.

well.

girft from uncle lala

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
:D
iPod classic silver nanananannananannanananhdsfjhs and the first the very fist thing i put into it is charles bukowski short stories. haha :D

HEY HEY HEY ITS A LOVELY DAY

THANK YOU FACEBOOK!

Where Do I Fit
Here is where you stand relative to your friends,
based on votes we gathered from them.
you category votes wins win%

7th better dancer
votes: 3 3 100%

11th would make a better mother
votes: 2 2 100%

12th cuter
votes: 3 3 100%

13th rather kiss
votes: 3 3 100%
13th more generous
votes: 2 2 100%
13th funnier
votes: 3 3 100%

15th rather be trapped on a desert island with
votes: 3 3 100%

16th more entertaining
votes:3 3 100%

17th nicer
votes: 2 2 100%
17th braver
votes: 4 3 75%

19th more adventurous
votes: 3 3 100%
19th sexier
votes: 2 2 100%

20th better friend
votes: 4 3 75%

22nd would i rather take shopping
votes: 4 2 50%

23rd more useful
votes: 2 2 100%
23rd rather marry
votes: 1 1 100%
23rd more reliable
votes: 3 2 66%
23rd more artistic
votes: 2 2 100%

24th prettier
votes:2 0 0%
24th rather sleep with
votes: 1 1 100%
24th cooler
votes: 2 2 100%

25th a better smile
votes:1 1 100%
25th more likely to succeed
votes:3 2 66%
25th hotter
votes:1 1 100%

26th rather date
votes:4 2 50%

27th rather travel with
votes: 3 2 66%

28th more tech-savvy
votes:1 1 100%

29th kinder
votes: 2 1 50%
29th a better laugh
votes: 1 1 100%

30th more popular
votes: 3 2 66%

31st more creative
votes:3 2 66%
31st rather have dinner with
votes:1 1 100%
31st more well-mannered
votes:2 1 50%

32nd more cuddly
votes:2 1 50%
32nd more powerful
votes:1 1 100%

33rd more naturally talented
votes:1 1 100%

34th am I more jealous of
votes: 2 1 50%

35th rather get stuck in handcuffs with
votes: 2 1 50%
35th more fashionable
votes: 2 1 50%
35th a better sense of humor
votes: 1 1 100%

37th better taste in music
1 1 100%
37th better at science
3 1 33%

38th smarter
2 1 50%

40th a better body
4 1 25%

44th more confident
4 1 25%

45th better hair
1 0 0%
45th better listener
2 0 0%

46th a better profile picture
2 1 50%

49th more famous
1 0 0%

50th rather live with
1 0 0%

51st can drink more
1 0 0%

52nd better public speaker
1 0 0%
52nd happier person
1 0 0%

54th more likely to skip class
1 0 0%

56th more likely to win in a fight
1 0 0%

58th crazier
1 0 0%

holyshit.

i mess up, and i mess up so bad. i think a person is talking about something when the person is actually talking about something so exponentially posh-er and huger and then i start talking about my little thing and go YEAH I KNOW AND THIS IS WHAT HAPPENED OMG THAT'S RIDICULOUS. later fucking on, i realise what the hell everything wasabout. what THE, man. what THE FUCK. i need to
a) stfu.
b) stop thinking about all the howlers for years to come and start doing something that would elevate my morale to a position from where idont NEED to look aroundthinking about how silly and eccentric and OUTRIGHT DUMB i am sometimes in life.
c) never bring thisperson up in any conversations again.



now that i HAVE started blabbering, i think i'll go on for a little bit longer.
i havnt had any remember-able dream in a few days, since the mosthilarious sneha'sass beinggropedbytheBigBullywhoeventuallygetskilledbyme dream the night before the NID entrance. i also havnt had a drink in ages and am alcohol deprived. shiatz.
and last evening, my mom found out about me nicking books from the library and hit the ceiling. man, why the HELL do i have to go and get myself a temper each time she says anything, and the kinda temper which makes me break my rules and be the kinda rebellious that is not feasible in this house? i need to keep my cool keep my cool keep my cool and not open my mouth before her.
i havnt written a poem in ages and my creative energies are subsiding considerably now that the exams are over (for the moment).bleh. and the boil on my ass? well yeah it doesnt allow me to freakin sit in a normal position.
and i realise that all that i've done in this post, is complain, and whine.
when will i ever learn man? shayo, forgive me. and it's a good thing you dont read this blog :P

im breaking my own rules, goddamnit. do SOMETHING ABOUT ME.

Babsy.

Babrus Khan: now i see anything that is smaller than your nostril is a pebble
and that wich is not
is a brick.

such conclusions people draw. he's a good drawer too, bah.

Grey

..i feel right at home
in this stunning monochrome
alone in my way...


andwhatcanido
butwallowinyou
unintentionally.

thank you, ani difranco.

this should stop. this should stop. this should fucking stop.this CANNOT keep happening over and over AND OVER AND OVER again, each each fucking time.what am i, some sort of dummy? some sort of proxy harbour or WHAT.i should give up. i keep telling myself i should, and then i think i have given up, until it hits me on the face and im taken by surprise and can just go.. oh? ship wtf is wrong with you? WTF.

the moment i start counting my blessings, its rendered futile. go me. i should buy a gun and put my head in the microwave and shoot myself while my head explodes.

Turns out being invisible was ohsomuch better.
i think.

not self portrait

some other times, im just an alternating yellow and grey blot in the universe.

self portrait

sometimes im so much fun xD

ok I ACKNOWLEDGE the fact that we've stepped into a new year, ok? it just doesnt mean anything with the impendingdoom of a board exam approaching and all of that. although, I need to just absolutely NEED to remind me that i NEED to read this year. just a little? a few books? last year, i didnt complete reading a single book that i can remember. i have quite a few lying around but nuh-uh i dont READ. no there is no fucking reason why. i just seem to be a bastard. so dear little bastard, i know you'd like to read. so DO, ok?
ok.

this is a moon without a tide

and it fucking kills. ok it doesn't mean a thing, so stfu. just stfu. I'm just like everyone else.this is predictable, this is exactly what would've been happening if it was anyone else but anyone else was more likely to be in a frame of mind like this because I cannot even afford to think about/like this because a) I'm stupid, b) I'm a kid c) this is YOU we are talking about.

what? no not you. move on.
this is a very exaggerated post.