this should stop. this should stop. this should fucking stop.this CANNOT keep happening over and over AND OVER AND OVER again, each each fucking time.what am i, some sort of dummy? some sort of proxy harbour or WHAT.i should give up. i keep telling myself i should, and then i think i have given up, until it hits me on the face and im taken by surprise and can just go.. oh? ship wtf is wrong with you? WTF.

the moment i start counting my blessings, its rendered futile. go me. i should buy a gun and put my head in the microwave and shoot myself while my head explodes.