Dear whoever is reading this.
don't waste your time. turn back now. you won't get it, i'm not asking you to. i'm feeling lost. and estranged. from what, you ask? no you don't, and i couldn't tell you even if you did, because i have not the least idea.

you, yes you. are angry with me. because i haven't called or written. newsflash. neither have you.
ok?
because i'm trying here. i'm trying not to rip my hair to shreds trying not to kill everyone i know because i really DO like all of them but you KNOW what? that's precisely WHY i need to leave here need to go somewhere i REALLY dont know anyone so i can hate it there in earnest and not feel guilty not feel awful not be jealous not be needy not be. anything.

do you want to know what i've been doing for whatseems like an eternity now? flashbacking in my head.
i miss when i was little, because when i was little my head wasn't a swirling mass of nothingness and confusion about nothing in particular because what WOULDbe fun? is it being a swirling mass of nothingness and confusion when i know what the hell is bothering me

i miss the little lulu show. i miss cartoon network in english. without the irritating chinese cartoons. i miss the original pogo. i miss the real nickelodeon. i miss chennai. but that can't be. i hate chennai.
whatamisaying i miss it like crazy. i hate it because i've changed and can't recognise myself anymore. i miss being silly and doing stupid things. i miss being smart. i miss FEELING smart.

i miss kolkata. i miss the rain. i miss the school. i miss what we did, sitting in those last benches. i miss the chatter. i miss the lunches.
i miss being online in the middle of the night, and still having company.
i miss it.

i miss bangalore. i miss the last two years. i miss bangalore. how is thateven POSSIBLE i live here. and i miss it all more because i'm standing still. m stuck. i dont know
i can't explainwhy. i don't know what i'm asking, or what i'm trying to say

i told you this was a waste of time.

go with the flow?

go with the flow.

being unproductive

is going to kill me. no no no no dont be them ship. FOCUS. WORK. FUCK THE BOIL ON YOUR BUM. FUCK DISTRACTIONS LIKE BLANKETS.FUCK YOUR FUCKING FATIGUE. work.

Yes Ma, TopRamon is fine

but i also needasmoke :(

blah,to be home.

dude.

I CANNOT FIND MY FUCKING E-BOOKS I HAD A BIG COLLECTION I WAS JUST ABOUT TO START READING BUT NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I HAVE TO GO LOSE THEM RIGHT WHEN I DECIDE TO STOP PROCRASTINATING FUCK BULL POTTY

quoting from S's blog:

And my heart is a-beating and my soul is air

And my face is a little bit locked in your stare 

 

 

whatever can get more beautiful?

if you want a word

ill give you
'shuor'.

story of our lives.

in college library, pandering bruised hopes (or, pumping them up for no good reason) using lame tarot readings as a means.

this is us, deal with it.
"Will i be able to rest my head in his collar bones, and breathe in peace?"

&

"will my warm, sweaty hands find his magical fingers without hers in between?"


OMMA-GOD.

BECAUSE i have to write more because somebody just asked me to, here it goes. sudfhgldlfrweiujtsklhfkjsdg jhsdfghsdgsghdsa
AND HERE IS THE SOMEBODY APOLOGISING FOR MY VERY STONED FRIEND...! YES WE ARE PATHETIC BUT HEELLOOOOOOOO.... WE ARE STILL REAL.... YOU DONT KNOW SHIT..! BLAH@!
^

lameeyebrowwomansucks.

SWEATSHIRT<3

WHAT. we might just have some things in common, ok. stop saying 'enter me' and let me in on you, plez?

sdfdg randomtypinizsocoolz

no but really, if i had to invent a word, it would totally be sdfdg and everybody would have the liberty to pronounce it as they please but there would have to be ONE SOLITARY meaning that it carries. NO double meanings and confuzzlating ( hail me, i did it again) bullcrap like that. i'd make sure the rules of grammar relating to the word be so rigid that it is made punishable by law to mess around trying to have pun with it.(chuckle) the world could do with words less annoyingly confusion creating tools of language. how do you even frame sentences without pissing at least one person off by at least a milliunit of pissedness in a group of as few as five people? tell me its not just me, tell me you too feel this urgent need to slaughter words, ever so often?

(oh and if you knew me, you'd also know how much of a rat's ass i give to these confusions created and that i just needed something to rant about)

also, please tell me there's some heavy discount on ebay on because i seem to be doing real lousily at the 'getting a life' business. nothing seems to be worth the price it comes for. bleach (is the new blah).

OH GUESS WHAT I GAINED 6 KGS SINCE THE BEGINNING OF COLLEGE AND NOW IM HEAVIER THAN MYMOM SO WHOEVER WANTS TO VOLUNTEER TO SHOOT ME MAY HURRY UP AND RAISE THEIR HANDS.
*hysterical fit of hair-pull-tear*

ok so today was weird. it was exhausting but ossum because the hillplace rules and silver rings give me this weird high when i earn them without having to spend. better not ask. :D
i drew something AWESOME yesterday. it wasnt brilliant execution nor amazing concept butbutbut it makes me feel littlegirllike, like like the acousticdreams time? yeah hehehehelolz.

but i really dont like this college yet, maaaaaann. i swear im consciously pushing myself to stop being judgemental but its JUST NOT HAPPENING because EVERYBODY and EVERYTHING is so fucking FUCKED UP IN THEIR VERY OWN SCREWED UP WAY (which is just sad, each of these ways), that its not even remotely putupable anymore. others dont know nor care about my existence so that doesnt count. everything makes me act pricey and my bipolarity seems to be acting up more often than usual lately making me a horrible person and a hugeass bitch to everybody.this place, its just not me. it is turning me into oneofthem. and that's exactly what i have always been terrified off. OMMAGOD.

i want me old people back, thegoodol'virtualfanboys and the others. 'the others' are a weird assortment of people i love who probably have no idea about how the rock(ed? D:) my world. i want sneha and i want LD and i want pujita and i want chiquita and i want dadu and i want santosh the iron guy ( OMG HE'S GOT MARRIED! *HEARTBREAK*) and i want priyankadi and i want priyankakumar and i want senjuti and i want SHOMBIT!OMMAGODYAS and i want the madwoman sitting at the 45 bus stand turn and i want dhruvaghosh. i want the lovely, lovely IM. geography teacher<3>momdadokyesthemtooarghdfhgd. i want worldview and that obscure little pond along the nondescript goli opposite JU.i want abheek sinha. i want my bed my oink my deem bhajasohnoimgoingtocryohnoOHLOOKAPINKTUTU? i want deeganto i want the occational whiskey at midnights and i want to text you asking you for the time and let you guess how drunk i am. im not sure why but i think i should stop.


please bring the old me back i feel like this mutated version of a dysfunctional foot of a retarded alien.

MOST IMPORTANTLY, WHATEVER FUCKING HAPPENED TO MY HAIR? I WANT OLD HAIR BACK THIS IS PATHETIC AND PLEASE FOR FUCK'S SAKE STOP BEING FAKE, PEOPLE. this is the most jumbled up piece of rantshit i've ever pukedout on this page.

why the fuck does mad have to rhyme with sad, re?

ps: picture of the day:

because it made me smile when i needed to and its about to make me reiterate my love for the gay gardener.

I LOVE YOU, DEAR DARLINGEST GAY GARDENER!
<3

the lives and times of Mr. S.Weevanosa.

sums up the sparse loveliness of it.

=)

You make me smiiile like the sun
Faaall out of bed sing like a bird
Diizzy in my head spin like a record
Crazy on a Sunday night

You make me daance like a fool
Forget how to breathe
Shine like gold buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild

Ohh you make me smi-ile

(allhailunclecracker :))

i wouldnt be saying this but i am stoned.
axetrip rules.

why i wouldnt be saying it is there's a huge irony in those words.involving a hurt ass.

and the pun in this whole thing makes me chuckle, which actually means im laughing at myself.

somebody on the other end is nicely trying to analyze me, if i am thinking rightly of him. if i aint, he's just a chut.

oh and by the way, i love you, i love you.

when life's a whore..

fuck it in the nostril.


only, this one here is a freaking weirdo with a broken nose so well, it kinda hurts worse trying to do that either.

jesus christ, college is confusing. its damn annoying. its damn fun too. and i wanna go aww and Fuck and HMPH and grrrr and :) at the same things at the SAME time so its rather mindfucking. wtf. but sometimes its all cool becaaaaaause wellllllllll i dont know, at the end of the day im still doing fine and am able to take off my lenses right and shit so :P

ok now, gimme a hug someone. i need.

axetrip?

axetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetrip
axetripaxetrlodfveloveddcfsdfipaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetrip
axetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetrip
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axetripaxetripaxetripaxetripsdtrtpainaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetrip
axetripaxetripaxetripwhyvaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetrip
axetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetripaxetrip

EPIPHANY! :D

i love when this happens *glee*

and yesterday i sat in the rain on my terrace for over an hour in the cold at night

one of the best things i've done formyself

yes i'm intending to post in meaningless sentences, problem if that is you go shave YOUR elblow honestly i do not. care.

ugh

everyone i know seems to be either too angry, too busy, too busy to be angry, or just plain finally convinced i'm not really all that worth spending time on.

yay me yeah? YAYme.

college is awful also. well not very but yeah pretty awful and i want to leave actually maybe not i'm not sure where i'd go it's not like i've a shiny little alternative to pretend to want to do so no i suppose i DON'T want to leave especially since not many people really care about what the hell i'm doing so you know what i'll just stop shall i

so there's my notallthatwell spelt out whiny circle of loserliness and i cannot stop saying honestly because now i'm beginning to be unsure of whether it really is honest and though i stopped making sense a long time ago this is probably the only thing making me feel better atleast i'm talking to myself yes? yes. because blogging is all about pretending other people care about your life because really theirs aren't as interesting but we all oh yes we ALL know deepdeeeeeeeep down that's all a pile of burning rubber bobble heads we're just sorry little specks with legal permission from the world in general to talk to ourselves without convincing aforementioned world of our mental instabilty

no of course i'm not bitter now why would you think that

i reread something i wrote a while back and yeah.

guys really are jerks. let's get that clear too, ok? they have always been continue to be and will, always be mountain sized jerks.

i'm going back to my sudoku

Yeah i'm still here. yeah i just remembered this place, and yeah you can hate me too.
I called you yesterday, by the way, shriparna. where the.hell.wereyou.

the last two days i spent LITERALLY staring at the clock and my phone(trust me nothing happening there either it's only a testament of my sadSADlife.)

my head, as additional not really all that relavent or interesting information, is a mess. in fact, it's SUCH a mess i cannot for the life of me or anyoneelse even be bothered to try explaining.
god.

a junior of mine passed away on the 17th.
a friend of mine.
you know that still makes no sense at all. not even a little bit.
remember all the times i've said my life's a movie? yeah. exactly it.

GOD.

happy birthday sneha.

le sigh.

today

i finally touched my right foot after ages, yes the one that's got approximately 8375967 coats of grime over it because it was too painful to even make it come in contact with flowing water.and also had another person touch it. dont ask me, he's a madman. with fingers like waterfalls, jesus christ.

-

shayo: look, what happens in pune, stays in pune. because pune, its like goa man.

-

and oh my god i cannot even believe it man.

-

ankit's adaptation of anusha's "technically" talking face.

-

burger king with all the cheese on the plate and the chikkin going down making me sick.

-

going back to the same old game. hope your address is the same.

-

not in that order.

watte

so we finally have the digital design module happening so right now i happen to be at the comp lab, pretending to be trying to explore corel draw. facebook is blocked till 5 pm. i have a pain in the leg and a cuteguysittingnexttomelala. the sad and the scary part is that i cannot delete internet history becaaaaaauuuuse then the password for the cyberroam client gets deleted and i cant afford to have that because idont know the password, it was presaved.so there, my blogword privacy is liable to be disrupted any moment by random people of my college who might be jobless enough to try checking random urls in the history.i have nothing even remotely amusing or interesting to share apart from the fact that i have blue nailpaint on and it looks SHIT on me. i have darker arms and a darker and uglier face than i've ever been known to possess. the other day, a dog came limping and chased me and neeti round the footpath because we had a packet of chips with us it was scary i thought i'd get a kidney faliure and die on the spot of a severe ankle injury.i didnt have my bandage on then, and it was a bad hair day. i was wearing an oversized tshirt and a pair of mustard yellow patiyalas and somebody told me i look like a little thing in it, as if wearing anything else makes any difference to my persistent littulity. harish is in pune, we shall meet this week.shayo is coming on the 21st and sayan sometime in october. i want to be a paintbrush.

dont.

there's already everything else going absolutely WRONG for me in the alien land lala, now you are NOT allowed to kill the only source of solace i have there by.. sdf sjghsghkjhfdgh expecting any more of me.

please, do not make things weird. goddammit i need to tell YOU this. pansy that i am.

OK LISSUN YA

TAKESHIS is a very weird movie.

for the record.

I remember having set myself this.. goalthingy of watching about a hundred movies by the end of the year. It MIGHT JUST happen because now im in a design school which has this filmandvideoclub and every week we have a screening of some movie in a classroom ( ah, some screening, you must think. but whatever). First week it was Juno, and i'd already watched it. Next, it was 'Thank you for smoking'. Sad thing is, since i missed like about ..10 minutes of the movie, im not considering it watched at all. Because i have no fucking clue what was happening because i was dead sleepy while it was on, so everything was just thismotionblur onscreen while i was blissfully static in my head.Therefore, that's not being counted either.
But i watched Hangover on friend's laptop.one fuckall movie, men. watchitifyouhavntalready. the tiger kicked the fatman'sass.yes ,so that counts.
Also, i just watched this Korean movie-' The Bow'.
I cannot talk about it because im sleepy. Like, my ankle might come off because it's hurting like nobody's business, and i didn't get my afternoon nap PLUS i have a doctor's appointment later in the evening so, no. Not gonna talk about the movie, besides there isnt much to say. just that, i watched it. soitcounts. im gonna have to do this proper list now.

OH AND I WATCHED SEX AND THE CITY ONCE. ( no i hadnt watched it earlier, so? go eat a pumpkin)
Sad life i have, yes?Makes it three movies anyway. i told you im watching shittyonesaswell,sothat.

ok tata.

i am telling you i will lose it.

or i have already lostit.

im, as you probably know, now a student of symbiosis institute of design.

i wanna bitch but i wont.

i live in the hostel.the curfew is 10:30 in the night.

i like chocolate toast from the canteen.

i like certain people who think im a leech orsomething.

i came back to kolkata for a week thansk to swinefluattackinpune and first day in town i got sloshed and broke an ankle.

DUDE.

YOU.

shriparna. are you getting my messages?

i shouldnt. its not gonna happen. give up.

So i'm bored. :D

college begins first of august and apparently i've now taken a dislike to numbers so i'm no longer using them no. :P i'm doing dental yes but for some reason my father is still under the delusion i will get medicine in some far away corner of karnataka so i'm just going to stick with saying i've taken dental for the time being after which i will have finally actually really have officially taken dental.

there.

and. lot's of people are moving to bangalore yay. there's paroma and shreya and some more to chennai hurrah. world getting smaller indeed :)

but randomly, you know the part that makes me jump around like a sugarhigh kangaroo everytime? I will NEVER EVEREVER have to learn the proofs for gravity or rotational motion or lens laws or thermodynamics or equilibrium EVER. =D

but i try not to think of that too much, i'm a little wary of the divine backlash. :-\

though now that i have *jumps around like a sugarhigh kangaroo* =P

when love is a puddle you are reduced to

all that happens is rain.

NO ONE LAST TIMES

but this one last post is an exception. I wish there were more exceptions, but heh. high high very high hopes.

I'm tired.

I'm tired of sitting still and worrying because at this moment, like RIGHT now? i don't have a hope for a future and everything i've ever taken for granted, some things i just decided would happen, they all seem nonexistent, and impossibilities in a world that's beginning to spiral more and more out of my control, and which is starting to seem exactly like books that are written to describe sorrow and longing, that always ALWAYS end with some sort of pitiable form of supposed satisfaction because really, it's EASY to erase a life of pain and staring through warm windows in rags, with something as sublime as a smile, or peace in death.
right?

i cannot do this. i cannot listen to someone complain about getting a really good college IN bangalore, with a course that they want, because of some ill-conceived idea that they have to move to hostel. SHE LIVES HERE WHY WOULD SHE GO TO HOSTEL. and THAT is why her life is ruined?

it really is the least of my problems. i cant be nice. i dont want to try. i want to stay home. and i want to be back in school back to knowing what would happen the next day the next year atleast WHERE i would go the next day the next year.

and you know what the worst part is?
i wish i didn't know anyone i did.

i'm not who they think i am i will not live up to expectations i'm on a one-way trip no backtracks no U-turns no side lanes no nothing on a path to absolutely nowhere. so here's to me.

when i see old people it makes me sad. they should die.

ok. i just realized that the only thing i'd be comfortable doing in college is english and that its the most impossible thing in my life right now. so, kudos to you ship. you rock your world. wreck, more like.

GET A PRO ACCOUNT?

SUDDENLY, I LAND INTO THIS BLOG AND FIND THE BACKGROUND PICTURE GONE! and in its place there's tiles of annoying blue .. thing saying PHOTOBUCKET ACCOUNT EXPIRED! RENEW TO A PRO ACCOUNT oh gimme a break what is going ON here?


so that explains the change in the blog layout. am gonna make sure i get a hot, kitsch one as soon as i can cool my head down about this, yo.

Dear Shravanthi

happy birthday. ok?
and i wish you had ONE functional number where i could reach you.

Call this the land of the StupidPeople and crown me queen.

I am reeling under too many things.

I'm more upset than i thought i would be, because a friend of mine is leaving. I didn't think he'd have made a difference.

I'm supposed to go have fun tomorrow, but i no longer feel like it, atleast not with who i'm going, and i cannot explain why.

I've discovered that i'm the BIGGEST moron on the planet. everybody but me has a plan, a head, and a rank for show. I on the other hand, have no dream, no plan, no rank, certainly no bright and happy future.

I had a veryvery wierd day yesterday. I went to this birthday party, and guess who i should see. I, however, did NOT nearly die, like i should have. I had a pretty good time, and got snowsprayed and sprayed back in return. [Have i mentioned? My life is a movie.] It seemed like the two years in my head never happened. :) And while that's not making me ecstatic, it seems like the perfect thing that could've happened.

I'm losing my head. very fast. and this feels like a really good time for a vacation, because clearly i'm overthinking, but then again, not like my mental capacity would allow that much.

What she said.


And i SWEAR to you. don't EVER EVER EVER E.V.E.R say ANYTHING EVEN REMOTELY snide about ANYBODY i call a friend I SWEAR to you i will feed you to a rebel carnivorous dolphin. GOD.

OK

so here i am. issues? none at all.

WHY of course people other than those who've recently broken up cant really be miserable, right? and no. i cant help it, nor pretend to be real engaged in some real engaging shit while all i do is nothing but gape at this annoying void when i look in and around me. i cant say anything funny, or witty, or cheering up to you when you really need it. you have a bad day, you have a headache, i say something like -Amrutanjan. or like- lets climb up a tree and pretend we're hiding from the paparazzi. or keep mum. i cannot talk around the people i really like, so ill never really be friends with them. i cant talk in general. i cant go out blah blah blah i dont even HAVE a life, so where the fuck is the place for misery? nowhere darlin. no misery no future. no nothing.i dont even know who said this- *insert quote here*. im not smart im not aware im most certainly the most Australian person you'll find. its ok, man. just move on. yeah,ILL SHUT UP. ILL DO THAT OK. THANK YOU.

ze curses.

you KNOW what.

THE THING with me being in a cold war. IS THAT I CANNOT GO THROUGH WITH THE STUPID THING. WHY, you ask? Shouldn't it be the easiest thing to ignore someone?

well NO.

if it WAS easy to ignore someone i wouldn't ever talk to them ANYWAY which JUSTSORTA JUST rules out the option of a cold war ANYWAY.

which means i should get with doing the apologising, yes? NO. i apologise way too much, i shall not this time. which leaves me in World's Most Desirable Position Numero One : The person who's obssessing about a cold war gone cold and mostlyonlyplotting to strangle other person in aforementioned cold war but will NOT due to the fact that all the attention showered on opposing party will force their head to a size declared unsafe by an UN peace treaty WHICH will in turn lead my strangulation tendencies to increase 17 fold.

The BEST part being, now all the frustration has nothing to do with the actual reason why the whole thing started (which continues to be a mystery, i assure you), and everything to do with the fact that i'm bored and have noone to talk to, and it's not WORTH not being on non-speaking terms with someone - that's just a waste of someone with whom on a perfectly normal day i COULD be speaking to.

Is this even making sense anymore?

I have no idea why i'm still awake but i shall post anyway because it's been long and i'm feeling vaguely chatty :P

SHRIPARNA WAS TO COME TO BANGALORE TODAY! but curse her and her dutifullythydaughter nature she WILLISNOT coming. no.


much less interesting than that(look personally, i'd recommend you skipping this post it shall contain nothing noteworthy, hardly anything worth reading, and be absolutely devoid of any or all information ok?), is the fact that i worked in poor light(*applauds bangalore power cut*) over a farewell we'll miss you you take care now card that we decided to (have me) make for a classmate who we hear today, is leaving to kerala tomorrow.

which brings me to my life and it's aimlessnessocity.
shriparna is going to off to mumbai to study.
another to orissa.
another to dehradun.
another for pilot training.
another to kerala.
another to pune.
and the rest i'm sure somewhere else to fulfill the dreams of their focussed lives.

whiile i sit blithering about my aimlessness making lists in my head about the letters i should send and movies to watch.
i really must come up with more readable things to post :-\

Will someone ABSOLUTELY anyone PLEASE explain to me why i even bother.
Being nice is such a WASTE OF SPACE and starting NOW i'm your regular MEANsnooty person who cannot be coaxed to throw you the SLIGHTEST of courtesies anytimeanywhere.

sohelpmegod.

funny thing

.. i seem to like almost all DMB songs as demo versions a LOT more than the album ones. for example Best Of What's Around. the guitar work is so much more pleasing and ..beautiful in the acoustic demo version. muchmuchmuchlovlier.
anyway, i've decided to dump all shit pictures here, like i had earlier too but then didnt get around to doing it anyway.
let's begin with one catpicture, the only b&w one from the day i visited ishika's house.
OH SHRAVANTHI HAS MADE AN APPEARANCE ON GTALK HOW BLESSED I FEEL so she isnt REALLY dead. so you might expect her to drop in sometime, i suppose. ah.

because.

shravanthi has abandoned not only this blog, but also severed all ties with me it seems. i have no idea why else we haven't talked in any way in over a month.
therefore, i shall flood this place with my random junk instead of letting this blog wallow in self pity (that's MY job, no one can do it better, not even my blog).

few things that have happened.
i've joined a salsa workshop blah first day was good blah blah i cant dance i suck so bad that blah blah blah but at one point of time i used to be real good that's before blah blah blah blah so that and blah and blah blah we don't have boy partners blah blah if you're a boy and wanna join blah blah thanks.
Symbiosis chances have been screwed because i read their mail a day late so i responded two days after the deadline so im not even gonna be considered for shortlisting so THERE goes my dream of taking up graphic design in college.
i have work but too low a morale and blah blah blah to execute anything properly. so blah.
i've lost my respect for a few people and all that's left is dislikage.
some people are good and some people are lucky and some people suck and need to die.
i have photoshop CS4 finally.
i love babrus and he rules and this is absolutely irrelevant.
here is a random something because i was bored and wanted to check out all the brushes i've ever downloaded from people on deviantArt and just fiddle around,really:

yesimcrazykthnx

i sorta like this. but it falls under the tooawful category so its not on the other blog or on dA.

ok. the end.

FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER, IM SETTING MYSELF A GOAL.
ok?
by the end of this year, i gotta make myself watch a hundred movies. the good the bad and the silly.

no big deal for a normal individual but its always a problem for me, so never mind lets not get into that.

so first job is to jot down the ones i have watched already from the beginning of this year, there's been quite a few.not doing it here, not now. too sleepy.butishallishall.

yesterday

Gudang Garam. because ill never remember the name.
phuchka very awesome.
fatal auto ride+heat.
the discovery of sweatglands.

incomplete pirate bunny on t-shirt

no, i don't wear pink.which is why i could get brave enough to experiment on it. imean how can you possibly spoil something which is already nonlookatable?oh the design is inspired by allthatisee online only. cuteness doesn't sprout from me aise hi :P

give me a moment to follow, dear mind.

i was talking over the phone with shayo, and as a response to her '..and she'd never put lip gloss until she got to college, can you beat that?' about a friend,i just said (much to her disgust and utter disbelief) that i dont either.
(shayo:WHAAAAAAT?WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU,MAN? *insert more raving*although,if the whole 'natural beauty' thing works for you..
me: er, it doesn't, shayo?
shayo: ah yeah.)

in a few hours (by which time, under normal circumstances, you'd thinksuchrandomlilportion of the conversation would be out of my mind, and i'd agree) i was in deep slumber (afternoon nap,hulloh!)
and in MY DREAM, i have SOME GODFORSAKEN PERSON (god fearing more like) telling me off for having gotten decked up for no reason which makes me shoot a quizzical look at mom, who then proceeds tell me that she'd just smeared some vaseline on my lips when we left home for wherever the fuck we were. thassal. not even the customary kohl.

i think my subconscious mind is running out of things to mull over and have conflicting opinions about.

although you dont, really

One flight down
There's a song on low
And your mind just picked up on the sound
Now you know you're wrong
Because it drifts like smoke
And it's been there playing all along
Now you know
Now you know

The reeds and brass have been weaving
Leading into a single note

In this place
Where your arms unfold
Here at last you see your ancient face
Now you know
Now you know

The cadence rolls in broken
Plays it over and then goes

One flight down
There's a song on low
And it's been there playing all along
Now you know
Now you know

- Norah Jones.

what.

today, for some holy reason, dad showed SOME interest in what i said and DID bloody respond relevantly, even though it was one solitary sentence he spilled.
me: I LOST PHOTOSHOP AAAAAAAAA WTF KJSHDKFHDSJHF {ohyes i did by theway :stabs 3476 pillows: }
Dad: (after 10 minutes) cant you, like, download photoshop?
me: :O er, it'll take ages ...
(dad's gone by the time i finish saying 'take')
xD

shootme.

iwasthisclosetobecomingtearyeyedatp.s...


YES OK KILL ME NOW.

i-gloo.

zit says:
no you
zit says:
im rubber and you're glue
the fright. says:
riiiiiight
the fright. says:
and you mean i stick to you?
the fright. says:
:/
zit says:
eh?
zit says:
nooo
zit says:
meaning shit bounces off me and sticks to you
zit says:
although im not sure glue works very well on shit
the fright. says:
..
zit says:
or if shit bounces
the fright. says:
LMFAO
zit says:
dammit

the fright. says:
IM QUOTING THIS
the fright. says:
XD
zit says:
yay!
zit says:
my lifelong internet dream of being quoted has come true =P

TONIGHT <3

AFTER AEONS. i love. love. love. life. abheek my childhood friend isnotlost :D i got drunk and cheesily depressed and it was pathetic but i was rescued wonly. AND WHOM BY? this one person i've known for 10 years, the only person ive known AND loved for this long.all is <3

story of my freaking life.

for the 943579437th time.

its this weird phoney record stuck on repeat.
and its a dirge. A GODDAMNED DIRGE.

i have very finally officially totally LOST IT.
last night i dreamt of SUMIT (hotness) SHARDA.
my relassunsip/fransip with this guy had been 4 years of utter confusion and weirdity and HILARITY.we were both young andstupid, and the whole story is long winding and exceedingly boring for the thirdperson. so that's all the background i can provide, but three ( no ok, 2.5?) years of no MEMORY of that creature and suddenly, BAM. he features in one of the longest dreams i've ever had (and of which i remember very little now).

what does it do to me?
OH i'll tell you exactly what. with my eco board exam scheduled for tomorrow, and an absolutely untouched ecobook with 24 chapters lying forgotten, i spend the night going crazy over the fact that the landline numbers of siliguri mustve changed. DAMNIT.
AND THE ONLINE DIRECTORY WONT OPEN. I DONT EVEN KNOW IFIT WOULD BE ANY GOOD.
but wow.
should i be pushed off a cliff or WHAT?

EDIT: i was not to be snubbed by cruel technology. i DID manage to get to the online directory, and the number is exactly what it used to be since i'd memorised it, and STILL it wont work.

again, kill me, please.

RE-EDIT: what do they do? do theyeven keep the reciever where its suppossed to be? why do they HAVE a phone and if they dont WHY is it on the DIRECTORY?!

Aarrkcht.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
mathexamand I DONT KNOW ANYTHING AND THEY ARE NOT PLAYING MY SONG i dont have one. Naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhiiiiiiiiiiiiiii. i havent been doing ANYTHING at all not studying not onlining not tvwatching not doing ANYTHING that's even WORSE than wasting time man that i'm GOOD at! this is just aimless and painful now i've been doing it too long noooooooooooooo!!

and i dont know i've lost track letter pending (who the hell is sampink you cannibal person eater you) since last year i think I'M ON DIAL UP orkut out the window phone back in working(woohoo.) friends too busy STUDYING and telling me to study i wantto(ha.) buut i cannot i can not i dont know i do NOT know whaaaaaaaai.
haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaeeeeeeeeeellllllllllllllp me atleast get me to stop holding down keys to make it seem like i really mean what i'm saying i DO ok just the fingerpressingonkey thing is getting old.
but whocaresright.

DO SOMETHING. you who is reading this i dont care who you are(later, maybe)go to east africa learn voodoo and witchcraft and DONTJUSTSITTHERE DO SOMETHING or i will blame YOU you heartless fiend who did NOTHING watching my life flash dimly on your screen warning you you are watching me watch it letting it wander and crumble miserably into an endless abyss of more long boring whiney blog entries.

ahphooey(i like :P)
like i was saying.
aahh.

i am in love and i want to eat him

SAM PINK
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AND I SWEAR ON A FEW THINGS I DONT OWN, I SWEAR I TYPED THEM ALL OUT.

LETS TAKE A BATH TOGETHER!
HEY THERE DELILAH! LIGHT MY FIRE!

SAM PINK!

ignore this, infidels.

lets hope HE doesnt chance upon it yet. not yet mens.

if i were a rockstar and this were my blog (like it still is, anyway) i'd talk about this latest tour i'd been to- oh the exhausion, damn the heat(?), YAY THE EXCITEMENT, and the music was fine really. maybe i smashed my guitar at the end of the concert. i dont know, i was too doped. and then we had a photoshoot with the lovely SOANDSO and then something WHAT HAPPENS TO ROCKSTARS AT THESE TOURS? i have no idea. maybe i ate an octopus. maybe, i put on some pink leggings and fell asleep on the bathroom floor. what am i doing? wishing i were a rockstar who didnt have to give ISCs. why dont i study? why am i SO inacapable of it?i would make a decent rockstar. i would, man i can scream.AND sing.and carry a guitar around. AND play it. i PROMISE i can play.why.
WHY

is enough.

its been OVER TWO MONTHS that i havnt taken any picture! no photgraphy and its killing me.

today i went a little overboard going gaga over this polaroid kit at etsy and i started asking ma if she has any saved money, if she has had joint deposits with someone dead, if she'd unquestioningly lend me some ten grand. then i DREAMT that i have an amazingly funny, cute, hot and generous boyfriend (i dont know) who just randomly gifts me the kit because he thinks my dark circles are getting worse over staring at the etsy page joblessly.
...

mom thinks i should stfu and study and sell some more prints and buy myself the shit.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAFUCKINGHA.
prints :dies laughing:

oh what i dont understand is, the drawings i really put my heart into? nobody seems to like them. its not like i dont put my heart into everything else, but maybe im not very pleased with the results sometimes and people go OMG SPAZZZHSJGDFJSGHF LOLZ SO AMAZING over them, and nobody (well ok, no more than 2 people maybe) would like what i really would think deserves a rat's ass.

or an elephant's ass, goddamnit.

there are so many things i would like to do before i die, and one of them is surviving this maths (board) exam. far cry.i cant study. im an asshole. get me a gun and i'll shoot you.

there's also lots of other shit. like publishing a book. HAHA YOU HEARD THAT? A BOOK! wouldnt THAT be something?then i can then piss on it! i can then have one solitary copy sold to my mom's second uncle and he'd argue about why i used the word naked in one of the otherwise perfectly sensible poems. oh my god this is going to be fun.

i also want to tell people im really getting married just to see if they'd believe me. i dreamt the night before last that im suppossed to be getting married off to a vaishnav, shaved head, chandan tilak et al. i posted it on my blog and people slandered me because they thought im a muthafucking cunt who would go lie about getting married because really, i dont have a life.

WTF how would they know?! (about me not having a life, not the fact that i was not getting married really because i was, really)it was very disturbing.it made me very sad and i woke up and mom told me i had an exam to give and i didnt believe her. i went into the hall and they told me i could start writing and i didnt believe them.the question paper -well it was a lie and i dont remember nothing beyond.i decided i wont believe anyone.

i also would like to sell this to some brainless git. HAHA i love asima but no one else can and i just wanna prove myself wrong at that.

another thing i'd really like to do before i die is show people how much i hate a lot of things. the amount of hate, i mean. its incredible. its humongous and it can eat 79 elephants and 912 dinosaurs for breakfast.it will be scary. i'd like to do that, yes.

will you be sticking with me when the money's gone?

the born ruffians were born to be motherfucking sonsovbitches who give me reasons to live and look at a tree or a snail or a fly and not flinch and say good afternoon.

Underneath my thumb
I'm taking you to put you
Underneath my thumb
I'm placing you down neatly
Underneath my thumb
Beneath my thumb, beneath my thumb

& If you get squished
I'll find another you
& If you get squashed
I'll just find another you
It won't be hard to find another one like you
Another you, another you

& I don't give a damn about
When I see you, I don't
& I don't give a damn about
The I-owe-yous, I don't
The disappearing kindness
That I show for you, I know
I won't be sad
When you & me are through

-BADONKA DONKEY

if you havnt heard them yet then go eat some ants and then a hippo. you dont deserve to know them.

Orkut Fortune of the day.
The secret of joy in work is contained in one word - excellence. To know how to do something well is to enjoy it.

no really, did i need that DID i?
ok so i'm NOT to enjoy my boards? is THAT what you're telling me orkut? IS IT? but oh wait DO I LOOK LIKE I'M ENJOYING IT?
and
Excellence? before a board exam WHO iaskyouWHO in their right minds talks to ME about excellence? and WHYonearth WHAI would they?
what one CAN and (for reasons inexplicably justified) SHOULD talk to me about are :

• Need to pass disunadmirably, sure that's relevant
• discussions about prayer services to turn the world's luck around to me(indication of size, thank you)
• actual prayer services that pray to have prayer services turning my luck around to the world? or the other way( sighs from post-chemistry-related-saturation induced befuddlement)
• rough plans and blue prints that detail me running away to the himalayas or me disguising myself as a barber and making it across the border
• lemons.
• why staying up writing unnecessarily randomish blogposts may cause me to sleepwalk to the exam
• why sleepwalking to the exam doesnt seem such a bad idea
• and whetehr or not this spelling of wehther or whethr or hewther or (destroys last remaining sliver(?) of care for spellings) is right

this is also a public posting of a "jobs wanted" ad.

once i don't get a college and am turned out into the streets with lack of qualifications and talent and skill whatsoever i'll need a job and it's unlikely i could post this then :\

all i want to say is, there's a LIMIT to deadness and doomedness, really.

note to self: dont push them.

महा शिव रात्री!

bole toh हेप्पी एनिवर्सरी!

THIS IS NO JOKE mens this is serious wishings.

and you BETTER be happy with me and with all the fasting and all dude, i want moksha. or a good husband. or both. ok?

ॐ नमः शिवाय।

ॐ नमः शिवाय।

note to all: i've never been religious but ive always always been toomuch in love with shivji. cannot help.nobody can.

and pictures from google images, last two edited. i love them, mens.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

TODAY IM VERY HAPPY.

my best friend from primary school has finally started using his real name. he's come to terms with it after seventy thousand years of wandering in a sea of pissicular nicks.god it makes me happy enough to admit that i love him. HAHA IN SEVEN DAYS THIS HAPPINESS IS GOING TO MAKE ME PASS OUT AND I WONT HAVE TO GIVE ANY EXAMS ON ACCOUNT OF DEEPINTENSEUNCONSCIOUSNESS.

its building up its building up.

SECONDLY

रोज पाउडर

चमन बहार

MAKES ME HAPPY.

3. IM SCORING WELL IN THE PRACTICALS AND THAT MEANS MY FUTURE KIDS WILL NOT HAVE TO DIE OF SHAME. OH HOW THEY WILL LOVE ME.

FOURTHLY, CHICKEN.

FIFTHLY, RICE.

SIXTHLY, THE TIN DRUM.

SEVENTHLY, THE MOSTER IN MY ROOM THAT ATE THE OTHER MOSNSTERS IN MY ROOM AND I DREW A PICTURE OF THEM ON ONE OF THE 26 FILTERPAPERS I NICKED FROM THE LAB.

HAPPYBIRTHDAY ANURIMA MAY THE BIGMONSTER PROTECT YOU FOR LIFE AND SCRATCH YOUR ARMPITS FOR YOU WHEN YOU'RE LONELY.

-ADD WISHES YOU WANT TO BE WISHED HERE-
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaa

IM ALWAYS IN LOVE WITH THESE CRAZY FUCKING POETS OR PHOTOGRAPHERS OR ARTISTS FROM THE OTHER SIDE OF THE WORLD WHO DONT KNOW I EXIST AND WILL NEVER TAKE A BATH WITH ME OR BUY ME UNDERWEAR OR SAY HELLO I KNOW YOUR NAME OR FACE OR SMILE OR SCARRED ARM FROM SOMEWHERE! LETS MAKE SOME WAVES TOGETHER.

ARNT WE ALL HUH HUH

THIS IS SAD AND FUNNY. SO SAD AND SO FUNNY. I LOVE THIS WORLD. LETS GO DINE TOGETHER ATLEAST.

TODAY WE SPOKE OF LOVE AFTER CONSIDERING WAKING UP AT MIDNIGHT AND KILLING MYSELF

the.proud.emunk: uhHUH
you love me?
me: YES
the.proud.emunk: koto ta?
and not just formality sake
shotti kore
me: SOME TWENTY POUNDS.
the.proud.emunk: sigh
me: HOW MUCH IS THAT BTW
the.proud.emunk: iunno
me: SO DONT SIGH LIKE THAT
ITS A RANDOM FIGURE.
the.proud.emunk: thik ache
the.proud.emunk: im in love
absolute LOVE
the type where u would do anything for the person
6:50 PM DID YOU NOT HEAR
me: who with
the.proud.emunk: youknowya
me: no im confused.
the.proud.emunk: sugataaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
or rather
me: yes i knew it
:D
the.proud.emunk: shugoto
yep
6:51 PM masochist, ya?
me: whtvrz
toocoolz
i wanna feel like that
the.proud.emunk: its the shitt!
me: iknow
the.proud.emunk: its like...woah
me: its like youre releasing your poop
after a century of
constipation
the.proud.emunk: no its like
the.proud.emunk: someone's slowly releasing the poop FOR you so that you're comfy
6:52 PM me: YES!
AND YOU WANNA SMOTHER THEM IN SOMETHING OTHER THAN POOP AND SAY THANKYOU, I LOVE YOU, MARRY ME WHEN WE'RE DONE WITH THIS


actually no what you really wanna say is i love you, lets make babies. nobody wants to say marry me. what we really wanna say is lets have a lot of sex and make babies.we can name them weather and cock. and if there more than two we can split up weather and cock and distribute the fragmented names among them like grains among dying african children. but our babies will not be starving dying african children with ribs sticking out of their skins like something hardly poetic, more of pathetic. our babies will be spoilt assholes with flowers sticking out of them.but lets make love and one baby at a time and while we're at it, just stfu and kiss me, OK?
this is the real deal. lets make babies.

im basically

A JOBLESS FREAK WHO MUST PUT THIS UP ON ELEVENTY SEVEN OTHER PLACES TO SHOW HOW EFFIN JOBLESS SHE IS.

I CURLED MY HAIR!! AND YAYILIKE!

and paid a painfully large sum from savings for one evening, BUT i've discovered curled hair isthewaytogo! :D

now all that's left to do is steal somebody's curlers :P

100TH POST HOORRAAAAHHHHH

SO LET ME RUIN IT BEFORE SHRAVANTHI NOTICES
-muahahahahha-

so a while back, over gtalk:

Shravanthi: GUYS ARE JERKS SO HUGE YOU CANT SEE THE SKY



BIG surprise.



anyway.
it's her school farewell day tomorrow, and day after i have mine.
she's cribbing about not having EARRINGS to wear, (and how she was out shopping but got nothing) when i, dear readers, have no blouse, no SHOES, no NOTHING to wear. i had shayontoni lecturing me over the phone for half an hour, telling me what to do in order to look smoking hot and glamorous and insertsimilaradjectiveswhichmayNEVERbeusedtodescribeme. she shrieked at the idea of me going without getting a manicure, WHEN HAHA ive never even had my thicklyforested arms waxed and such. she asks me what shoes im wearing (with a white and blue sari which is gorgeous and, i repeat, has no blouse to go with it YET, mind you :wails: ) and i had no answer and when iasked mom teh same question she yelled for 15 minutes asking me to STFU AND GO SHOP FOR MYSELF IF I CANT WEAR WHAT I ALREADY HAVE WHICH WOULD BE ONE BROWN DR. MARTENS BULKY SANDAL, ONE PAATI GREEN SANDAL, ONE PAIR OF CONVERSE. THE END. SO?
so if you knew me, you'd know i dont give a flying fuck and am just fucking around because i must post something and ruin the 100th post BOOHOO XD

oh so
does anyone want

to

give

me

a valentines day gift of

a WACOM INTUOS3 GRAPHIC TABLET HUH HUH ? I SWEAR I WONT SLAP YOU NEITHER WILL MY NON EXISTENT BIGBROTHER NO NEED TO WORRY COME ON NOW YOU CAN DO ITTTTT

-pokes you-

p.s: since the post had the mention of and a direct quote from my beloved blog partner, dont you DAAAAARE ACCUSE ME OF UNTHOUGHTFULNESS.

Ah so :P

So Valentine's day is beginning to look like it's going to be really funny this year :P

Bangalore's under threat by this strangestrange group who've decided to get with the loving :P
Guys and girls seen "together" are to be bundled off to temples to get married :D
and,
IF say, they don't FEEL like getting wed, girl ties guy a rakhi.
heartbreaking, no? :P

I think i 'll start hunting around for nice looking rich guys to hover around on the 14th, then my board results will matter less(due to settled prosperous future and suchlike :P)

:D

lmao

everything here looks so so fucking morose man.what the hell made us this fucked up? bah :P

anyway, school over, and im hoping ill pass boards. im not WORKING for it, no, just hoping. thats ok for a start, aye? yes im just BEGINNING to acknowledge the fact that boards are indeed approaching. am i fast or WHAT. yeah i use caps instead of italics, deal with it.
farewell on the 14th of feb. HAHAHA yeah. my grandma has a new sofa and i wanna go over to stay at her place but if you know my mother.. :/
she's reading out V-day special offers and discounts from the newspaper and going OH YAY LETS GO SHOPPING which is momentary, trust me.
we dont shop for anything.but.nighties.or.saris.for.our.maid.
..

that's right.
anyway, new iPod was about to be smashed the day before, and becaaause i didnt let it happen, mom didnt let me eat the entire day yday. no joke. no matter how much i regret having the iPod over the iTouch OR a Tablet, i wouldnt want to lose whatever i did get to my mom's insanity, nossir.

and damn, when i run out of things to say, i also cant think of ways to end my blogsposts. :/

I'm trying to, i really am, i'm trying to poison myself against you.
butitworks only as long as you'renotaround.

i wish you would read this. i wish you would read this, and come tell me how low i've placed myself. then i'd figure out how high you stand.
i wish you could read my head. my twisted emotions knotting around me, that'd make you feel important, yes.
Then you could laugh at me, think oh look how pathetic, how sorry, like you would do. or maybe just walk away, oblivious to all you've seen, all you heard, forgetting asfastasyousmileatthenextgirl, that i ever existed.

maybe that would jolt me back to the world, make it so i don't have to explain, have to make them understand.

i don't like you.
you're just a habit.

idon'tlikeyou.
i tend to obsess.

i dont like you.
i just hurt easy.

i. don't. like. you.
but maybe i'm just telling myself that.

Man, im sorta fucking sad.

well.

girft from uncle lala

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
:D
iPod classic silver nanananannananannanananhdsfjhs and the first the very fist thing i put into it is charles bukowski short stories. haha :D

HEY HEY HEY ITS A LOVELY DAY

THANK YOU FACEBOOK!

Where Do I Fit
Here is where you stand relative to your friends,
based on votes we gathered from them.
you category votes wins win%

7th better dancer
votes: 3 3 100%

11th would make a better mother
votes: 2 2 100%

12th cuter
votes: 3 3 100%

13th rather kiss
votes: 3 3 100%
13th more generous
votes: 2 2 100%
13th funnier
votes: 3 3 100%

15th rather be trapped on a desert island with
votes: 3 3 100%

16th more entertaining
votes:3 3 100%

17th nicer
votes: 2 2 100%
17th braver
votes: 4 3 75%

19th more adventurous
votes: 3 3 100%
19th sexier
votes: 2 2 100%

20th better friend
votes: 4 3 75%

22nd would i rather take shopping
votes: 4 2 50%

23rd more useful
votes: 2 2 100%
23rd rather marry
votes: 1 1 100%
23rd more reliable
votes: 3 2 66%
23rd more artistic
votes: 2 2 100%

24th prettier
votes:2 0 0%
24th rather sleep with
votes: 1 1 100%
24th cooler
votes: 2 2 100%

25th a better smile
votes:1 1 100%
25th more likely to succeed
votes:3 2 66%
25th hotter
votes:1 1 100%

26th rather date
votes:4 2 50%

27th rather travel with
votes: 3 2 66%

28th more tech-savvy
votes:1 1 100%

29th kinder
votes: 2 1 50%
29th a better laugh
votes: 1 1 100%

30th more popular
votes: 3 2 66%

31st more creative
votes:3 2 66%
31st rather have dinner with
votes:1 1 100%
31st more well-mannered
votes:2 1 50%

32nd more cuddly
votes:2 1 50%
32nd more powerful
votes:1 1 100%

33rd more naturally talented
votes:1 1 100%

34th am I more jealous of
votes: 2 1 50%

35th rather get stuck in handcuffs with
votes: 2 1 50%
35th more fashionable
votes: 2 1 50%
35th a better sense of humor
votes: 1 1 100%

37th better taste in music
1 1 100%
37th better at science
3 1 33%

38th smarter
2 1 50%

40th a better body
4 1 25%

44th more confident
4 1 25%

45th better hair
1 0 0%
45th better listener
2 0 0%

46th a better profile picture
2 1 50%

49th more famous
1 0 0%

50th rather live with
1 0 0%

51st can drink more
1 0 0%

52nd better public speaker
1 0 0%
52nd happier person
1 0 0%

54th more likely to skip class
1 0 0%

56th more likely to win in a fight
1 0 0%

58th crazier
1 0 0%

holyshit.

i mess up, and i mess up so bad. i think a person is talking about something when the person is actually talking about something so exponentially posh-er and huger and then i start talking about my little thing and go YEAH I KNOW AND THIS IS WHAT HAPPENED OMG THAT'S RIDICULOUS. later fucking on, i realise what the hell everything wasabout. what THE, man. what THE FUCK. i need to
a) stfu.
b) stop thinking about all the howlers for years to come and start doing something that would elevate my morale to a position from where idont NEED to look aroundthinking about how silly and eccentric and OUTRIGHT DUMB i am sometimes in life.
c) never bring thisperson up in any conversations again.



now that i HAVE started blabbering, i think i'll go on for a little bit longer.
i havnt had any remember-able dream in a few days, since the mosthilarious sneha'sass beinggropedbytheBigBullywhoeventuallygetskilledbyme dream the night before the NID entrance. i also havnt had a drink in ages and am alcohol deprived. shiatz.
and last evening, my mom found out about me nicking books from the library and hit the ceiling. man, why the HELL do i have to go and get myself a temper each time she says anything, and the kinda temper which makes me break my rules and be the kinda rebellious that is not feasible in this house? i need to keep my cool keep my cool keep my cool and not open my mouth before her.
i havnt written a poem in ages and my creative energies are subsiding considerably now that the exams are over (for the moment).bleh. and the boil on my ass? well yeah it doesnt allow me to freakin sit in a normal position.
and i realise that all that i've done in this post, is complain, and whine.
when will i ever learn man? shayo, forgive me. and it's a good thing you dont read this blog :P

im breaking my own rules, goddamnit. do SOMETHING ABOUT ME.

Babsy.

Babrus Khan: now i see anything that is smaller than your nostril is a pebble
and that wich is not
is a brick.

such conclusions people draw. he's a good drawer too, bah.

Grey

..i feel right at home
in this stunning monochrome
alone in my way...


andwhatcanido
butwallowinyou
unintentionally.

thank you, ani difranco.

this should stop. this should stop. this should fucking stop.this CANNOT keep happening over and over AND OVER AND OVER again, each each fucking time.what am i, some sort of dummy? some sort of proxy harbour or WHAT.i should give up. i keep telling myself i should, and then i think i have given up, until it hits me on the face and im taken by surprise and can just go.. oh? ship wtf is wrong with you? WTF.

the moment i start counting my blessings, its rendered futile. go me. i should buy a gun and put my head in the microwave and shoot myself while my head explodes.

Turns out being invisible was ohsomuch better.
i think.

not self portrait

some other times, im just an alternating yellow and grey blot in the universe.

self portrait

sometimes im so much fun xD

ok I ACKNOWLEDGE the fact that we've stepped into a new year, ok? it just doesnt mean anything with the impendingdoom of a board exam approaching and all of that. although, I need to just absolutely NEED to remind me that i NEED to read this year. just a little? a few books? last year, i didnt complete reading a single book that i can remember. i have quite a few lying around but nuh-uh i dont READ. no there is no fucking reason why. i just seem to be a bastard. so dear little bastard, i know you'd like to read. so DO, ok?
ok.

this is a moon without a tide

and it fucking kills. ok it doesn't mean a thing, so stfu. just stfu. I'm just like everyone else.this is predictable, this is exactly what would've been happening if it was anyone else but anyone else was more likely to be in a frame of mind like this because I cannot even afford to think about/like this because a) I'm stupid, b) I'm a kid c) this is YOU we are talking about.

what? no not you. move on.
this is a very exaggerated post.